


i see you; standing next to me; that gives me courage

by cute_lil_fluff



Series: ot4 pu: channie [4]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Medication, Panic Attacks, mentions of vomit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-01
Updated: 2019-01-05
Packaged: 2019-07-23 12:28:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16158989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cute_lil_fluff/pseuds/cute_lil_fluff
Summary: “Hyung.” Chan eventually speaks up, turning his head so that he won’t be muffled by Jun’s shoulder. With a soft sigh, he asks, “what do you think of me going on medication?” Junhui lets out a breath as he squeezes Chan even closer and presses his face into the boy’s hair.





	1. Chapter 1

Jun’s a tiny bit worried. Chan had come to find him nearly twenty minutes ago, not saying anything as he sprawled himself over the elder on the armchair in the living room. Junhui had immediately dropped his phone in favour of encasing Chan in his arms, concerned that he was panicking, but he seems fine.

His breaths are slow and regular puffs of air against the skin of Jun’s neck, and his hands are still where they’re cradling Jun’s ribcage, and he’s laying still, no fidgeting or squirming. He seems fine, but Junhui knows that something is wrong.

It’s no secret that Chan loves a cuddle, but he’s usually smiling, and laughing, and chatting away when he comes for some one-on-one time (when he’s in a good mood), he’s never stone still and silent like he is now. So even if he isn’t anxious, Junhui knows that there must be something on his mind.

“Hyung.” Chan eventually speaks up, turning his head so that he won’t be muffled by Jun’s shoulder. With a soft sigh, he asks, “what do you think of me going on medication?” Junhui lets out a breath as he squeezes Chan even closer and presses his face into the boy’s hair.

“Anxiety meds?” Junhui asks. Chan nods, cheek nuzzling against Jun’s collarbone. Jun takes a minute just to think about what he’s going to say - this is important and it needs to be replied to in the best way. He knows how much Chan, almost blindly, trusts his judgement, especially when it comes to mental health, and so he really doesn’t want to say the wrong thing, knowing that Chan would believe whatever he says.

Junhui knows that this is a big deal for Chan, who’s never been on any sort of medication for his anxiety. Over the past few months, however, Chan’s been through a pretty rough patch with his anxiety. He’s having panic attacks nearly every other day, missing the majority of his schedules because he’s just so exhausted.

It’s begun to take a toll on his mental health as well, to the point where Chan’s beginning to feel really down and depressed. More often than not, he’ll slink off to his bedroom when they get home, having to be coaxed out to even eat. The rest of the time, the twelve of them will come home to Chan already curled up in bed, having been in the same position all day because he just can’t handle the thought of getting up.

Chan knows that he needs some form of help, but it had taken a quiet word from their leader for him to really think about it properly. He’s almost certain that he wants to do something about it, but he needed some guidance from his beloved hyung first.

If he’s really blatant, Chan doesn’t want to go on medication. He’d seen Jun on meds, and he’d hated them - he’d lost all of his energy as well as his bubbly personality, and he’d come off them after less than a fortnight had passed. Hansol has some that he only takes in emergencies, and they always leave him with a migraine - it’s like a sick game of picking which is worse, a panic attack or three days in bed with a headache.

Chan doesn’t really want to be put on medication, but right now, he needs to do something.

Junhui presses a kiss to the top of Chan’s head before he replies. “To be completely honest, I don’t think there’s much harm in trying them if you’re struggling. I know they didn’t work for me, but everyone’s body is different, and everyone’s anxiety is different. Maybe they’ll work for you. If there’s the possibility of you feeling better, I don’t see why you shouldn’t try.”

Chan hums, cuddling a little closer to Jun, slipping a gentle hand beneath the hem of the older’s T-shirt to rest on the soft, warm skin of his stomach. He knows that Junhui is right, but he doesn’t quite know whether he’s happy with the answer. He’s not sure he would have been happy with any answer.

“And if they don’t work,” Junhui continues, “you can just stop taking them. There’s no pressure coming from us, it’s all completely down to you. But you’re not alone in this - we’re here to support you.”

There’s a moment of silence before Chan finally responds. “I think I might try.” He says, his voice small. Junhui nods open palm, rubbing circles into the space between his shoulder blades.

“You’re so brave, and I’m so proud of you,” Junhui whispers against Chan’s cheekbone, lips pulling into a smile when Chan presses a kiss to the line of his throat. After getting his thoughts off his chest, Chan is quick to fall asleep, curled up in Junhui’s lap like a kitten or a small child.

Adorable.

*

Chan doesn’t go to the doctors on his own, because he’s still a bit of a baby and doesn’t really trust himself to make such important decisions without a ‘real’ adult present. On top of that, he’s still a tiny bit frightened of medical professionals. After a bit of pouting, Seungcheol agrees to come with him.

The bulk of the appointment is filled with Chan stuttering through an explanation of how he feels, almost trying to prove that he really does have anxiety, because this doctor was not the one who had diagnosed him all those years ago. Seungcheol keeps a steadying hand on the curve of his back as he details his panic attacks and how much they’ve worsened over the past few months.

He’s really not enjoying this. He usually doesn’t like talking about the intricacies of his anxiety because it’s really personal to him and he doesn’t want people to worry about him too much. But right now, he almost feels like he has to overcompensate, worried that the doctor will decide that he ‘isn’t anxious enough’ to need help.

The longer he speaks, the more it’s draining the energy out of him - he begins to tremble a little and ends up curling forwards until his chest is pressed to his thighs. He doesn’t realise he’s stopped talking and is instead just gasping for air until he hears Seungcheol repeating his name and the doctor is holding a glass of water in front of his face.

“Take a deep breath, Channie-yah. Relax a little bit, okay?” Chan nods as he comes back to himself, pulling in a steady breath, sitting up, and taking the water in between his quivering hands. He sips slowly, avoiding the doctor’s watchful gaze as Seungcheol continues to rub his back.

When he’s a little bit more in control of himself, the doctor finally starts to run through the various options he has moving forward. He first suggests therapy, which Chan was more than open to, but he knows that it just wouldn’t work with their schedules. Their tour starts soon as well, and they didn’t quite have the budget to pay a therapist to come on the road with them for only him.

Eventually, the doctor writes him out a prescription for some anxiety meds, to be taken daily. Chan tries not to let his disappointment show.

He knows it's for the best, but he just can’t help dreading being dependent on medication. It feels like a step back, like all the work he’s done to learn to live with his anxiety is going down the drain to be replaced with a pill full of hormones.

Seungcheol holds his hand as they wait in the pharmacy for his name to be called, and Chan tries to keep his tears at bay, at least until they get back to the dorm. If the look on Seungcheol’s face when he sneaks a glance at the younger is anything to go by, he isn’t doing a great job. He doesn’t look surprised though - Chan’s been so emotional recently that him periodically bursting into tears is almost expected by now.

When they do get home, Seungcheol goes to the bathroom to put Chan’s meds with the rest of the medicines they keep in the dorm, and Chan heads towards the performance unit bedroom to seek out Junhui. He does find him there, along with Hansol and Seungkwan - they’re watching something on Hansol’s laptop, the two youngest snuggled up on either side of their hyung.

Chan stands in the doorway as tears begin to dribble down his cheeks, near sprinting over to the bed when Jun moves the computer and pats his lap. Chan throws himself onto the bed, his face pressed into Jun’s stomach as he begins to bawl - loud, ugly, painful sobs.

Somehow, they all intuitively know what’s wrong and what he needs, Junhui pulling him closer whilst Hansol and Seungkwan leave them be, not without each laying a kiss on the back of Chan’s head. Junhui laces his hands in Chan’s hair and strokes through it calmly, somehow knowing that Chan doesn’t want to talk, he just wants to be comforted.

After a little while, Jun rolls over onto his side, taking Chan with him. He was beginning to get worried about Chan’s breathing, as his face was hidden in Jun’s jumper. Lying like this, Junhui can keep Chan cuddled against his chest whilst also tilting his head to ensure that he’s not actually smothering himself.

Chan’s still crying now, but nowhere near as violently - Junhui is relieved to figure out that he’s not having a full-blown anxiety attack, he’s just upset. It’s good for him to get his tears out.

“I’m so proud of you,” Junhui mutters, his lips pressed against the skin of Chan’s forehead. “You’re allowed to be scared and upset, but just know that I love you so much, and I know just how strong you are. We can get through this, you and me. You don’t need to worry about that.”

Chan lets out a shaky breath as his crying begins to slow down, his eyes running out of tears. He lifts a hand to rub at his eyes and his nose, hating how sticky his sinuses always feel when he cries. He sniffles a little, and Junhui can’t help but coo at him. “I love you, hyung,” Chan mumbles, his voice thick with tears. Junhui kisses his cheek.

“I love you too, pumpkin.”

*

Almost immediately after he starts taking the medication, the members begin to notice a difference in their maknae. Not only is he yet to have another anxiety attack, but he seems generally more happy and energetic. Even Chan himself hadn’t realised how much his anxiety had suppressed his mood until it’s weight was lifted from his shoulders.

The big thing is that he’s back in the schedules with his members, back practising in the studio and participating in interviews, and it feels so good. Even when they’re just at home, he’s always up and doing something, instead of laying in bed all day like he used to.

There’s no doubt in anyone’s mind that this change can’t just be because of the medication - there’s probably some element of placebo at work. A certain part of Chan’s brain is probably telling him to liven up because he _should_ be more lively because he’s on medication to make him better.

Nevertheless, everyone is more than happy to see Chan back on his feet and smiling again. And, it’s good to have him back at work; long days are always a little easier to get through when their youngest is around, laughing to lighten the mood when everyone’s exhausted, cuddling up to his hyungs when they feel like giving up.

Junhui can’t help but worry, though, the voice in the back of his head warning him that this honeymoon period can’t last forever. He’s almost awaiting a breakdown, constantly on guard for it all to go wrong; he’s ready to catch Chan when he inevitably falls.

But when almost three weeks pass, he begins to feel guilty for expecting the worst. Shouldn’t he be happy for the younger instead of waiting for the plan to fail? In all the years that Jun has known him, this is the longest that Chan has gone without a panic attack. And, that’s a good thing.

He’s got to admit that he’s probably expecting the worst because he doesn’t really trust anxiety medications, especially after they didn’t work out for him. But maybe he should take some of his own advice and believe that medicines work differently for different people. Maybe this really is Chan’s solution.

*

“Channie? Can I have a word?” Junhui corners him in their bedroom when he comes to drag his blanket out to the living room for a movie night with the hyungs. Junhui looks nervous, perched on the edge of one of the beds, fiddling with the ring on his pinky. Chan immediately nods and comes to sit beside him, folding one leg underneath himself in order to face the elder.

“What’s up, hyung? Are you okay?” He asks, instinctively taking one of Jun’s hands in his, lacing their fingers together, putting an end to his fidgeting. Jun smiles at him.

“Yeah, _I’m_ fine. I was just wondering how _you’re_ doing, with the medication and all.” Junhui asks, looking ready to comfort Chan if he suddenly goes off about how much he hates his medication. But he doesn’t, Chan just grins instead.

“Junhui, it’s so good. I feel so much better. Like, all the stuff that used to get me all worked up and anxious just- doesn’t anymore. I promise I’m so, so happy.” Junhui doesn’t look totally convinced, but he smiles anyway. Chan leans in to give him a chaste kiss on the lips. “I promise, Junnie. I think this was a good idea.”

Junhui nods, not wanting to shoot Chan down for speaking too soon when he really looks so much happier, even if Jun can’t help but notice the tense twinge of his lips. He doesn’t mention it, he doesn’t want to push the boy to spill all of his secrets if he obviously doesn’t want to. He’ll just be ready if he’s ever needed.

“I’m so glad for you,” Junhui replies, resting his forehead against Chan’s and brushing their lips together again. “You deserve to be happy.”

So maybe Chan wasn’t completely honest with Junhui. He didn’t lie, per se, he just may have withheld a bit of the truth. Chan feels a little weird about it because he’s never actually lied to Junhui before, not even about something this small. He may tell little fibs to everyone else now and again, even to Minghao and Soonyoung, but never to Junhui.

The majority of what he said was true - his medication has almost completely eradicated his anxiety, and has definitely prevented his panic attacks, and he does feel so much better in that regard. The bad bits might not even have anything to do with the pills - it’s probably just leftover exhaustion from being back in schedules full-time.

Said bad bits include how drowsy and dizzy he’s started feeling sometimes, his renewed burst of energy not having lasted long. It started with wavering a little when he gets out of bed in the morning, and then he started waking up with these headaches that settled at the base of his skull. If it’s particularly bad, his vision sometimes blurs at random intervals, causing him to spill tea all over himself and run into the other boys in dance practice.

He’s managed to hide these symptoms from the others, mainly because they’re all overcome with relief that Chan seems to be getting better - it had been hard in those couple months.

So maybe he’s a little suspicious of the medication and these possible side effects, but he’s much more glad that he’s not having panic attacks every day. So, he’s willing to ignore it.

He can hear almost all of the other members in his head telling him that he’s making the wrong decision, that he needs to listen to his body and make sure he’s feeling one hundred per cent. He chooses to ignore that as well. As long as his anxiety’s gone, he can handle anything else.

*

It’s only a few days after his conversation with Jun that everything goes to shit.

Chan wakes up at God-knows-what time in the morning with an excruciating pain in his chest. He immediately propels himself into a sitting position, gasping and spluttering for breath. For a terrifying few moments, he thinks that he’s legitimately dying, but he soon realises that he’s just having a panic attack.

He’s instantly enraged, tearing at his sweat-soaked sheets with shaking hands until he frees himself from their confines and can tumble out of bed. He doesn’t feel his knees smashing against the ground, his heart is pounding too hard and his head is fuzzy and he _can’t breathe_.

Despite being in the middle of a panic attack, Chan’s more angry than anxious. He’s angry because the medication was supposed to stop this, he’s been putting up with these shitty side effects for weeks because he hasn’t been anxious, and he feels so stupid to have believed that a pill a day could magically fix everything.

He hadn’t even wanted to go on medication in the first place, he’d only done it because his anxiety was compromising his career, and now it was happening anyway. The pills were supposed to fix him, but here he is in pieces all over the floor - he’s as much of a mess as he’s always been.

A scream explodes from his chest as he pushes himself to his feet and tears towards the bathroom, swerving violently on his weak knees as he crashes across the hallway. He knows that the bathroom door must slam against the wall when he pulls it open, but he doesn’t hear it.

He’s too busy wrecking his way through the medicine cabinet to find the bottle of his pills, struggling with the lid for far longer than usual before the cap comes flying off, hitting the wall and falling to the floor. Dark spots dance in front of Chan’s vision - he hasn’t got a solid breath of air in since he woke up - as he tips the bottle on its head and aims for the sink.

His aim isn’t great, though, at least not when he’s this worked up, and Chan’s almost certain that the majority of the pills actually end up on the countertop and the floor. He doesn’t have that time to really register this or do anything about it before someone’s grabbing onto him from behind and pulling him across the room and down onto the ground.

When he’s pressed against the person’s chest, that’s when he really begins to wail. His throat complains as he yells and sobs, his flushed face completely marred by snot and tears. The person holding him begins to whisper against the shell of his ear - Chan can’t really make out the words but he knows that the voice is Junhui’s.

Junhui rocks him carefully from side to side, holding him so tightly, it feels as though they’re actually glued together. Chan coughs and splutters and probably looks the most gross right now, but Junhui doesn’t seem to care, he just rubs Chan’s back and cradles him close, tucking his head against the side of Chan’s as he begins counting in sets of four.

They’re both completely oblivious to Soonyoung and Seungcheol, who had followed Junhui into the room after waking up from all the commotion, as they’re currently having a silent conversation, made up of wide eyes and gaping mouths. Soonyoung almost feels like he can’t breathe, and there’s only one thought running through his head - _what was Chan trying to do with all his pills?_

Seungcheol must be feeling the same thing, he’s frozen on the spot and tears are forming in the corners of his eyes. He steels himself quickly, though, setting his jaw and swallowing down the lump in his throat, transitioning straight into leader-mode. He gently nudges Soonyoung towards the - still panicking - maknae in Jun’s arms before setting to work, collecting together all of the dispersed pills to get them out of anyone’s reach and eyesight.

Whilst he’s doing that, Soonyoung drops to the floor beside Chan and Junhui, trying to keep calm for their sake even as tears drip onto his cheeks. He takes a breath. “Channie. Channie-yah.” Chan doesn’t try to move from Junhui’s arms, but he turns his face so that his other cheek is pressed against Jun’s sternum so that he’s facing Soonyoung.

There’s this hazy look in his eyes that scares Soonyoung a little, and he’s grimacing as he tries his best to calm down his breathing. It’s hard though, he’s so worked up. Soonyoung lays a hand over the back of Chan’s head. “We’ve got you, sweetheart. We’ve got you.” He shuffles a little closer so that he can hold one of Chan’s hands and squeeze at it in time with Jun’s counting.

Chan chokes on a sob, pressing his eyes closed as Soonyoung frantically lifts his chin, not wanting him to actually choke. Jun lays a hand over Soonyoung’s arm, reassuring him before helping him to turn Chan around in his lap so that his back is straight and rested against Jun’s chest. Even whilst doing this, Jun is still counting in Chan’s ear, he doesn’t miss a beat.

It’s a while until Chan really calms down - he’s still trembling and the tears haven’t stopped, but he’s limp in Junhui’s arms, his breathing a little steadier. “Chan, what were you doing?” Seungcheol suddenly asks, his voice soft but he sounds scared. Chan’s face crumbles when Seungcheol’s frown comes into view, holding the - now re-filled - pill bottle.

Junhui hides his face in Chan’s neck like he can’t bear to be a part of this conversation or to hear the answer to Seungcheol’s question.

Chan doesn’t answer initially, just dips his head to avoid the gaze of both Soonyoung and Seungcheol. Their leader doesn’t drop it there, though - this is important - so he crouches down in front of Chan and lowers his head to meet the younger’s eyes. “Sweetie, I need you to talk to me. You’re not in trouble, okay? We just need to know what’s going on.”

In a small voice, Chan mutters, “I was trying to get rid of them?” Seungcheol furrows his eyebrows, not sure if he heard him right. Before he can ask him what he means, Chan continues, his words becoming more frantic and muddled as he gets more and more worked up.

“They’ve been making me feel horrible but I was putting up with it because they stopped my anxiety and made me better but then I woke up having a panic attack and I was so angry because they weren’t doing anything good anymore and I just wanted to get rid of them. I’m really sorry, I know I shouldn’t have-”

Seungcheol cuts him off by reaching out and pulling Chan into his arms, squeezing him so tight that Chan almost loses his breath again. “Oh my God, you scared me so much,” Seungcheol says as he presses a series of kisses to Chan’s sweaty hair. Chan hums, confused, trying to pull back and look up at him but Seungcheol won’t let him go. “I thought you were trying to take them all.”

It’s like the air disappears from the room when Seungcheol says what everyone was thinking. Junhui visibly flinches and Soonyoung instinctively reaches out to hold onto Chan’s arm. Chan just shakes his head, repeating, “no, no, I would never, I promise.” He keeps talking until Junhui and Soonyoung cuddle up to him as well, soothing him, reassuring him that they believe what he’s saying.

Eventually, Chan pushes the arms away from him and lies down on his side, looking pitiful with his red, tear-stained cheeks. Seungcheol worms one hand under his head to cushion him against the cold tile as Junhui laces his fingers in his hair, gently brushing his fringe away from his face. “How are you feeling?” Jun asks, his voice low, soothing.

“A bit nauseous,” Chan replies, turning his head to nuzzle his cheek in Seungcheol’s palm. Soonyoung coos before getting to his feet.

“I’ll get you some water. Why don’t you try to sit up?” He asks. As soon as he steps out of the bathroom, he bumps into Minghao, who seems to have been hovering in the doorway. Soonyoung takes his hand and leads him to the kitchen. “He’s alright,” Soonyoung reassures him, smiling when the younger latches onto his back as he puts a glass under the tap.

“I hope so. Is there anything I can do?” Minghao asks, his voice thick with sleep and quiet in the way he always sounds when it’s dark. Soonyoung turns his head to kiss the side of his nose.

“I think we should try getting him into bed. Do you mind getting him some clean pyjamas, and maybe set up one of the beds to get him all cuddled up and comfy?”

Minghao nods. “I can do that.”

By the time he’s back with a glass, Seungcheol and Junhui have got Chan up and nestled between them, but they’re a little closer to the toilet. Soonyoung smiles sadly as he crouches down, holding the glass to Chan’s lips and helping him take slow sips. Minghao reappears with a new set of pyjamas - namely, one of Junhui’s soft hoodies and a pair of Soonyoung’s shorts - and Seungcheol leaves them to take care of their Channie after they agree to a talk in the morning.

Chan is already fast asleep when Junhui carries him to bed.


	2. Chapter 2

"Hey, Channie?" Soonyoung asks the lump in the middle of their bed, keeping his voice low enough that he wouldn't wake Chan if he's asleep, but he'd be heard if he was still awake. Chan's been napping this afternoon, he's still worn out from the happenings of last night and he didn't take his pills this morning. They'd agreed that he wasn't going to take them anymore- he's going to go to the doctors to discuss everything, but he doesn't want to keep taking them while they're waiting for an appointment.

In the back of his mind, Chan had hoped that stopping his meds would make him feel better, seeing as they were what was making him feel bad. It's not that simple, though, it seems. He's had a dull headache since an hour after he usually takes his pills- it feels like caffeine withdrawal- and he's super shaky, he can't even stand on his own for long before his knees go weak. He usually feels a bit like this after panic attacks, but his symptoms are most definitely amplified.

Chan hums from under his pile of blankets, sounding sleepy but awake enough that Soonyoung doesn't feel especially bad for disturbing him. Soonyoung walks over to their bed and finds the top of Chan's head poking out near the headboard. He combs his fingers through Chan's messy hair.

"Would you come into the living room for a minute? We have something to show you." Chan unearths his face, looking up at Soonyoung with a frown. "You're not in trouble, I promise. It's a good thing." Soonyoung reassures, but Chan's face doesn't relax. Soonyoung leans over to press a kiss to the crease between his eyebrows.

"Okay." Chan agrees, wriggling around a little until he's free of his blankets and sat up on the edge of the mattress. Soonyoung takes his hand, but Chan curls himself into Soonyoung's side as they walk, still not trusting his legs to carry him all the way to the living room. Soonyoung coos at him and wraps an arm around his waist, pulling him close and keeping him upright.

When they get to the living room, it's set up a little bit like an intervention- Chan falters. The members are all sat in a circle, one space on the sofa left for Chan, between Jisoo and Seungkwan. Soonyoung gets him sat down before taking his place on the coffee table, him and Seungcheol on either side of Mingyu, who's holding a box in his lap. Chan eyes the parcel hesitantly, one foot tapping against the carpet nervously. Jisoo lays a hand on his knee to calm his fidgeting. Chan grabs his hand and squeezes.

"We got you a present. It was Mingyu's idea, actually- but we all pitched in. We ordered it like three weeks ago, and it only got here this morning, so-" Seungcheol explains- he's nervous too- motioning to Mingyu until he passes the box over to Chan. It's heavy, is the first thing that Chan notices. Mingyu's biting his lip. Why are they all so nervous?

"Why are you all so nervous?" Chan asks, and Mingyu meets his eyes.

"I just hope you like it." Is all he says in response, lifting a hand to chew at his thumbnail. Chan doesn't let them suffer anymore, he just starts pulling at the tape keeping the box closed. Inside, the present is wrapped in plastic, but the label on top gives away what's beneath the wrapping. Chan is immediately tearing up, a hand covering his mouth. "Chan, no- why-" Mingyu stutters, panicked by Chan's wet eyes.

Chan slides the box onto the floor so that he can climb onto Mingyu's lap, wrapping his arms around the elder's neck and hiding his face against his shoulder. He keeps himself from crying, but only barely. "I love you so much. How did you think of this? It's so- so ... _perfect_. How did you-" He rambles into the fabric of Mingyu's jumper. Mingyu wraps his arms around Chan's back and holds him tight.

"I was researching, a bit. You were having such a tough time, I wanted to know how I could help. One of the websites recommended this, so I talked to the boys and we got one." Chan sits up to press his lips against Mingyu's cheek before sitting back and looking at him sternly, eyes meeting Seungcheol's as well. Mingyu kisses Chan's temple, resting his lips against his warm skin.

"But they're so expensive." Chan scolds.

"Well hopefully it will help, and you feeling happy is priceless. And, if Hansol or Jun- or anyone else- feels like they need it, they can use it as well, right? Mental health is important, Channie, and if this can make you feel even a little bit better, any price would have been worth it. We know how hard this has been on you, having to stay home from work and everything, so- we wanted to help." Chan kisses his cheek as well. "Come on, kid. You might as well open it now." Chan giggles at him, pushing lightly at his shoulder before going back to the sofa and lifting the box again.

He's always wanted a weighted blanket. From what he's read, it seems like they're super effective in helping with anxiety and sensory overload, and he's always wondered if one could help him. But it's no joke how expensive they are- Chan is constantly astounded by his members' generosity. With a smile on his face and a hand from Seungkwan, Chan gets the blanket out of the box. He grins when he notices the colour- they'd got him a purple one.

"Purple~" Chan coos, tears springing to his eyes again. Even through the plastic, he can make out a pattern of bumps across the top of the fabric. It looks so soft- he's just reading the label on the front when Mingyu speaks up again.

"We got the Minky one because it's supposed to be super soft, and we thought you'd like it. The bumps are like- another sensory thing if you feel like fidgeting or- I don't know. It's supposed to help if you can't sleep, too, which we thought could be good for Junhui as well, because he has trouble with that sometimes." For some reason that Chan can't fathom, Mingyu sounds more embarrassed the more he talks. "Also, it's light enough that you can sleep under it. Some of them you can only use for like twenty minutes, but that didn't sound- I mean, we can return it if you don't like it, try another one-"

"Mingyu, I love it. You really researched this, it's perfect. I'm so grateful, I promise. I can't believe you went to so much effort." Chan says, trying to reassure him, convince him that he really is thankful.

"You're worth it, Channie-yah." Chan climbs into his lap for another hug.

*

Chan decides not to get it out to try immediately. Instead, he wants to wait until he feels like he really needs it to put it to the test. It's only a few days later, though, when he gets to that point.

The next Thursday is his first day back at work- he'd been given a few days off to get himself and his medication sorted out, to get everything stable again. His day had gone fine, and he was happy to be working again, but it had been a little overwhelming.

He had already learnt the dance that they'd been working on, but he wasn't as perfect as everyone else- even missing one day of practice could leave you so far behind because of how fast they worked. Their instructor had tried to be lenient with him, but he still had to do his job. He was kind, but Chan could see his face in the mirror, watching him with disappointment in his eyes.

Chan's not upset about it. He knows that he'll be able to catch up soon enough. He's just unsettled.

As soon as they step through the front door, Junhui and Hansol have their hands on him, crowding him into a corner of the living room. Junhui brushes his hair from his face and combs out the tangles with gentle fingers, seemingly unbothered that he's all sweaty from dancing all day. Hansol holds him from behind, arms around his waist, palms splayed over his stomach. When he spots Chan's trembling hands, he laces their fingers together instead.

"Hey. You holding up okay?" Junhui asks, his voice soft, punctuated by a kiss to the round tip of Chan's nose.

"I'm fine, I just- tired. I just want to sleep it off, I'll be fine- I want to get into bed, I'll be better after a nap." Junhui nods along with his ramblings, convincing Chan that he's making complete sense to the elder, even if he's making no sense. Junhui always knows what he's trying to say.

"Channie," Hansol says, calling for Chan's attention. He hooks his chin on Chan's shoulder before he continues. "Why don't we get your new blanket out? See if that helps." He suggests, and Chan's immediately nodding, making Hansol grin at him. He's so cute. Chan takes their hands and drags them towards the performance unit bedroom, getting on his knees to slide the blanket from under the bed. It's still in its packaging, so Junhui finds some scissors to help him open it. Chan thanks him with a kiss.

"Okay. You lie in bed, baby. Get comfy." Chan does as Junhui says, lying on his back in the centre of the bed. Hansol unfolds the blanket, passing Junhui one of the corners and keeping the other to himself. They lay it over Chan, making sure it's not on his throat, and Chan immediately feels the effects, letting out a content sigh.

The weight makes him feel safe like he's being protected. It's like when he's cuddling with someone, and they're laying on his chest- caging him in, holding him still, safe. He can't help but stroke his finger over the fabric- it really is soft, the bumps beneath his fingertips comforting him in some unknown, magical way. Without realising it, he relaxes completely, his nerves retreating until he's left feeling sleepy.

Junhui and Hansol curl up on either side of him, pulling the duvet up and over all three of them. Hansol shares Chan's pillow and Junhui positions himself so that he can have each hand on either head, fingers running through their hair carefully. "How is it?" Junhui asks, leaning close so that his lips brush against the skin of Chan's temple as his mouth moves.

"I didn't think it would help this much," Chan replies, eyes slipping shut as he leans into Junhui's space. "I mean- I don't think it could calm me if I was already in the middle of a panic attack, but- like I don't feel anxious anymore. It just feels like safety."

Hansol noses at the curve of his jaw. "I'm so glad it's helpful."

"Thank you guys, really. I should thank the others as well, just- not right now~" His words fade out as he snuggles further into the mattress, reaching to take one of Hansol's hands in his. Junhui and Chan laugh at him, fondly.

"You just sleep, pumpkin. We'll worry about all that later." Junhui coos and Chan's only got the energy to hum in response before he's slipping off into dreamland.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really want to add another part to this, maybe two, for hansol and junhui using the blanket as well,,, hmmm could be fun
> 
> hope you enjoyed <3
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> [my tumblr](https://hattieie.tumblr.com)
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> requested by Milo

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!
> 
>  [my tumblr](https://hattieie.tumblr.com)


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